Dear Mr Werner-
I am unsure if this is the best way for you to get my message, but I felt a strong need to write this, and I hope you get it.
I am 36 years old and I have played the clarinet since I was 8 and I just picked up the saxophone last year. I started to play jazz on my clarinet a few years ago and of course, I am also playing jazz on the sax.
I read your book, “Effortless Mastery” in its entirety while staying in the psych ward in Phoenix, Arizona for suicidal thoughts and thoughts of self harm. I was in a very, very dark place. I felt useless, talentless, unloved, unneeded, and unimportant. I told my husband how I felt and he did the right thing and checked me into a hospital to get the help I needed.
I started reading your book on the second day of treatment. In addition to the help that I received from the staff at the hospital your book really helped put me into perspective.
As of late, music no longer held joy for me. It was stress filled and I felt awful almost every time I played. I never was happy with a solo. I was paralyzed with anxiety when it came to practice. I never knew what to practice because there “was just so much to do” I was never happy with my sound.
My experience with music pretty much reflected my experience with life. I felt awful about myself, I was never happy with myself and I was so overwhelmed with life that I shut down.
A few lines in your book that particularly resonated with me were
“You will find yourself more free and powerful if you assume all the notes you play are the most beautiful sound you’ve ever heard”
and
“Do not fear mistakes- there are none”
While in therapy I realized that I am a perfectionist….and there is no such thing as perfect. I also realized that I need to have a more positive view of myself- both as a human and a musician.
After reading your book, I came to “see the light” again, in music as well as in life in general.
I am home now and am beginning to play again…this time with a new attitude. It will be a work in progress for awhile I suspect. However, I know that I will be able to really adopt this new attitude permanently and I look forward to being happy with myself as a musician, just as I was when I was an 8 year old little girl, playing the clarinet and being thrilled when I could play “Mary had a Little Lamb”.
Thank you again!!
Laura